When Parenting Sucks: A Womanist Reflection on Exhaustion and the Village That Saves Us

Let’s be honest: sometimes parenting just plain sucks.

There, I said it.

We can love our children deeply, fiercely, unconditionally and still have moments where we want to throw in the towel, scream into the void, or run away and join a traveling circus just for the break.

Now add the layer of raising a child on the Autism spectrum, navigating the meltdowns, misunderstandings, appointments, IEP meetings, sensory overloads (for them and you), the judgmental stares from strangers who just don’t get it, and the constant emotional labor of advocating. Whew. The suckiness can multiply. Quickly.

And yet, here we are still loving, still showing up, still fighting for our babies to be seen, understood, and celebrated. But that doesn’t mean it’s not hard as hell sometimes.

Womanist Wisdom: You Can Name the Pain and Still Be a Good Mama

One of the most sacred gifts womanism offers is the permission to tell the truth. Womanist thought says: Black women’s realities, emotions, and labor matter. And that includes the truth that parenting isn’t always magical or affirming or Insta-worthy. Sometimes it’s just survival. And that doesn’t make you a bad mama. It makes you human.

You’re Not Alone—Even When It Feels Like It

There are days when the loneliness hits hard, when you feel like nobody sees how much you’re carrying. But mama, you are not alone.

Sometimes the “village” isn’t the big, organized crew we dreamed of. Sometimes it’s the friend who drops off dinner. The auntie who shows up with wipes and wine. The teacher who gets your kid. The therapist who doesn’t rush you. The stranger who smiles instead of staring.

Let’s normalize asking for help. Let’s normalize saying, “I’m not okay.” Let’s normalize finding moments of joy, even when we’re deep in the trenches.

5 Survival Tips for When Parenting Feels Like Too Much

1. Let Go of Perfect
You are not required to be Superwoman. You are allowed to be tired, snappy, unshowered, and emotionally overwhelmed. Perfection isn’t the goal, presence is.

2. Create an Escape Hatch
No, seriously. Whether it’s a hot shower with the door locked, 10 minutes sitting in the car listening to music, or an hour watching trash TV. Build in a break. You’re allowed to rest even if everything isn’t done.

3. Tap into Collective Care
Ask your people for what you need, even if it’s just to listen. If your current circle doesn’t feel safe, widen it. Look for other mamas raising neurodivergent kids. Find your healing circle. You were never meant to do this alone.

4. Say the Quiet Part Out Loud
Write it. Whisper it. Scream it into your pillow. The shame only grows when we keep silent. Say: “This is hard.” Say: “I’m grieving the version of motherhood I expected. Say: I still love my child, and I’m still overwhelmed.”

5. Let the Divine Hold You
Whatever your spiritual grounding is return to it. Cry out to God. Sit in silence. Light a candle. Repeat the womanist mantra: “My healing matters.” Let the Spirit remind you that your mothering, even when messy, is sacred.

Final Words: You’re Doing Better Than You Think

If nobody told you lately: You’re doing amazing. Not because it looks pretty. But because you keep showing up. You keep loving. You keep finding your way, even when there’s no map.

And on the days when parenting feels like it sucks the joy out of you, I hope you remember: it’s okay to say so. You don’t need to suffer in silence.

This journey was never meant to be done alone. Let the village love you. Let grace hold you. Let honesty set you free. 

💜 Tag a mama who needs to hear this.
💜 Share your own “real talk” parenting moment in the comments.
💜 Let’s build a village where honesty is holy and support is sacred.